The A.R

Atten-Hut

2006-12-24T14:16:00.000+08:00

For more mind boggling craps, please visit www.worryaboutyou.wordpress.com

Speed of Sound

2006-11-11T16:47:00.000+08:00

It dawned upon me. Just now. In the flick of a booger..har..no..moment. I don't have that many friends at all. Honestly. Well, i can say friends, as in friends, but i only have a number of them. You know, the type you can just ring and they'll familiarize with your voice like the speed of sound. I don't mingle much, but i get to say hi to almost everybody, but there's no touch, like people say, tak ada feeling ah. They come and pass and you don't care. You don't seem to want to.

But i do have friends. At least. They don't occupy the whole world, but they're the world to me. They're not much in numbers, but they're okay. These are the types of friends you would want to carry in your hearts to your last breath. I know i did.

2006-10-04T08:40:00.000+08:00

We had buka puasa session, the three of us, me, Mayrie and Shah. We picked him up at his rumah tak ada pagar, and enduring excited stares from his housemates, we told him to drive the car, for we, ladies of the Chancellory, sometimes needed to be pampered. I nearly had a seizure during our short but gut wrenching journey to Deen. Anyway, guess who bumped into me. Zihan. A friend from the University who later became my colleague during our Nitrogen testing helluva time at DXN. My my..8 months pregnant and looking oh ever so pretty. Mayrie was interested in her husband by the way. So i called, Zihan!! It repeated. The bad experience i have gone through with her. Sehatnya hang...Awat sehat sangat? Aku sehat pun takpa aku ada isi...

Oh..celaka..

2006-08-21T17:35:00.000+08:00

So kiss me and smile for me

Tell me that you'll wait for me

2006-08-10T08:39:00.000+08:00

I'm still troubled on what to write and what to not to. It's a dumb dumb ding dong ding dong days of our lives. But there's one thing for sure, long distance relationship's getting at me and it's startin to rip me apart. Friends out there, feel free to visit USM Convocation Day 16-20 August ya!

Bloody NKBE

2006-07-24T16:19:00.000+08:00

What a dark morning..Phew..Moving at 4 a.m. from Baling General Hospital after visiting a sick Uncle resulted in a surreal, twilight zonous nightmare. I was alone. Crossing through silent hills and dead mountains signalled the chicken inside me to cluck non stop. So i ran over a few red lights at several haunted looking junctions. The police was after me too, not too soon, not too late. They had to put on the terrible sirence to slow me down. I had no idea they were after me. I was too scared to glimpse at the rear mirror. Aiyah..No sooner had i reached the forked j unction, i took the wrong one and cursing under my breath, got lost in Butterworth at 4.45 a.m. Blasphemy. This is worse than taking insults from my boss. I was angry, sleepy and dead tired. I didn't sleep a wink from 2 a.m. and here i am lost in the middle of the ferry terminal country. Once escaped, i did the stupidest thinng, ended up back on the NKBE, heading back to Baling. The chicken inside me had majestically turned into nostril flaring dragon. Screeched the car and reversed adn i was back on dear old Bridge. Haa.....

2006-07-18T10:50:00.000+08:00

YEsterday was the first anniversary. Of my brother's passing away. I am okay since i've learned to let him go ages ago. Once in a while a surreal feeling of loneliness, puzzled for nothing will drift by through me, making my body shiver and mind suffocate pain. This is our secret. I don't miss him, i want him here. Bad. Desperately seeking Adi Satria.

Mawi Oopss

2006-07-08T19:15:00.000+08:00

Someting is absolutely wrong with this country. And its socialites and artists. Frankly, the only contributions contributed by them are rubbish. Divorce matters, husband snatching bitches, hidung belang husbands, putus tunang.. Apa ke benda ni...Siti Nurhaliza dan Mawi patut dihapuskan dari muka bumi ini. Tak ada apa yang mebanggakan yang patut dicontohi dari mereka..Orang lain bersesak bersenak nak dapatkan kerja, all these people do is open their mouth, sign up for tongkat ali adverts..and win cars..Dulu mmg masih respect Siti nurhaliza..tapi kalau betullah dia kahwin dgn husband orang jugak...Aduh..Rendahlah martabat seorang Siti di mata ku. Mawi pulak..Dia dgn tunang dia dua dua pun sama. Both of them should have kept their mouth shut and keep their dalam kain punya cerita just dalam kain. Especially Diana. She should have shut the hell up. Macam mana Melayu nak maju kalau macam ni aja..MP Jasin lagilah palat...One day his big mouth will land him in Hell. Sigh~

2006-07-03T17:39:00.000+08:00

Satu hari..aku tak yah drive sorang sorang dah ke hulu ke hilir..Kul berapa pun balik pun takpa dah. Hujan ka ribut pun..tak pa jugak.

Negara..Opps..

2006-06-23T08:21:00.000+08:00

It's unsettling to see Malaysians don on other countries' flags, on their faces, who cares if it's only in the advertisement. Football Mad Nation with the rakyat singing their heart out to the anthem, and other countries' flags splashed across their faces. I am not paranoid. But it's a gut wrenching sight. You could not even get one person to stand up straight during Negaraku, and so. Then again, the fault is utterly not to be carried by the Mad Nations because there really isn't any other alternative. Malaysian team is infamously veggies when thrown into the field. Help us to be patriotic.

Untuk Sepi

2006-06-21T17:49:00.000+08:00

Kalau aku mati sekarang..

Dunia kena tahu..

Aku mati dalam keadaaan kesunyian..

BUkan dalam Sunyi..

Kerana kalau aku mati dengan sunyi, alangkah indahnya,

Tak perlu menjerit, menangis..

Tapi aku mati kesunyian..

KErana hari ini aku rasa macam ditimpa langit,,

Beratnya langit aku yang menanggung,

Langit tak nampak, tapi beratnya terasa

Tak ada orang yang membantu

Kerana yang lain tak sunyi..

Tapi aku ada potensi mati kesunyian

Kerana aku bukan ada apa-apa

siapa-siapa

Patah bahu menggalas, tanggunglah sendiri

Letih mengadu, orang pun benci

Rasa nak capai, orang di bawah sana

tapi tak cukup tangan, jari nanti patah

Rasa nak korek orang di bawah sana

BAngun lah, jangan tidur..kesianlah dengan aku..

Tak rindukah?

Mungkin kalau aku mati sekarang, hari ini, atau esok pun

Kosong di hati, tak pernah terisi

Tersirap darah di jantung, tak ada doktor

Lompong di fikiran, sebab terlalu fikir

Nak suapkan, tak ada sesiapa

Nak belai pun, tak ada sesiapa

Pagi riuh, tengah hari riuh, ansur malam..

Pandang Selat, Renung Jambatan..

Sunyinya?

Mana kereta tu semua nak pergi?

Dah terlambat

Nak halau sunyi ni..

kalau ada yang menyambut....

Kamu dah terlewat..

Move Along

2006-06-16T17:19:00.000+08:00

How far can the youngest go?

Not far, really

How long can the youngest survive?

Should life follows the logical rule of age, she would still be around since the elders are long dead

How strong is the youngest?

As strong as steel

How lonely is the youngest?

As lonely as this planet.

Where's the youngest heading to?

Eventually we will all die

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong, Move along, move along like I know you do

Post KL Depression

2006-06-16T08:19:00.000+08:00

So that was about it. Penang literally had to drag me away from Key Ell. I felt like a 5 year old who refused to pass through the evil nursery's gate, hands and feet locked to the gate, screaming my lung out. Though i didn't really meet up with friends that much while in Cititel, the change of air itself was rejuvenating. Gastronomical events, peer pressure session, love life agenda and JKNC/R Meeting in Universiti Malaya. LRT rides, Menara Maybank, the nostalgic cheap and dirty Kedai Makan outside Slim River exit. University Malaya as always, grand and terribly antique, but with ex-TKCian Rafiah Salim leading the brood, things will change. So once my pain in the ass boss's out of sight, i sneaked back to her and unhesitantly declared myself her super galapagos duper junior of high school. Rafiah Salim laughed kindly. And i even get to pose a question to Ibrahim Ahmad Bajunid, and the Registrar in Cameron. It's not much, but it's okay. Once the flight landed, Penang witnessed me gobbling up Khaleel's nasik kandar that evening after work. So my heart has a soft spot for this place, surprise, surprise.

YAtie Dah Kawin!!!!!!!

2006-06-05T16:59:00.000+08:00

Yatie Zain dah kawin. For a loner who lives alone in Penang, i kinda missed all my friends, wherever they are. YAtie's the most beautiful person in the world i've ever been with, and the only who'll stay as beautiful as the moon. Cos she has more than the world to offer.

PEngalaman menjadi pengapit yang amat menghiris perasaan. PEngapit lelaki yang asyik nak teng aku dalam kadar kelajuan mengipas, yang lagi over from aku dalam bab mengelap muka pengantin ( i practically did not touch yatie's face, in fear of spoiling her make up)., yang begitu agile sehingga cameraman tension asyik dibayangi buntut pengapit lelaki, yang buat aku terkedu kedu malu nak serve kan yatie ayam golek sebab dia potong tertlalu banyak unutk pengantin lelaki..Oh dear..i was in hell.

Dapat berjumpa Fahzielah, among kengkawan yang tau aku punya keistimewaan sarcasm aku, yang kini hanya tinggal sejarah...NUs yang sanagt banyak kerenah aku rasa nak hempok masuk longkang, tapi sebab kerenah banyak dia buat aku lagi sayang kat dia, dan sebagainya.

YAtie Zain, have a nice day.

2006-06-05T12:20:00.000+08:00

Somebody told me to go buat paspot.

That's the most insulting thing aku penah dapat from a friend. Suruh aku buat paspot? SURUH AKU BUAT PASPOT? aku kecik lagi dah ada paspot, tumpang parents punya tau...pastu aku ada paspot sendirik...SURUH AKU BUAT PASPOTTT?????...Apa kau ingat aku dari beranak tak penah dunia luar ka? kau ingat kau hebat sangat? aku rasa..kau tu yang baru nak mula tgk dunia...sad..pathetic...suruh aku buat paspot?...takde benda yang buat aku ticked off and pissed off dari pernytaan, pegi buat paspot...

My ass..

X-MEN III

2006-05-31T13:55:00.000+08:00

So i watched the movie. Brilliant. Like the paper said, Nightcrwaler is sorely missed. Though Kitti's supposed to be a bit more cheerful and active. It's great to konw that Bobby get to turn into a full Ice Man. And it's great to know that Magneto has always hold a soft spot for his friend-enemy Charles.

And then some Benggali anak Mami bingo banged my car from behind during the tiring que down the Bukit Jambul's narrow parking space. To add insult, she drove away like a coward. I had no choice but to stop and check my car, in case it's wrecked beyonf belief, but well, just a small 'lesung pipit', nothing to worry off. Except for the bitch who get away with this whole mess. I was so ready to scream at her since she trying her best to cut my cue but yeah..I didn't let her. So whether she did it on purpose or just being plain stupid bitch..I'll let the praying mantis decide.

It's tough in Penang. Not only it smells of dead fish, something is fishy too about this whole town.

Sudah settle

2006-05-20T22:53:00.000+08:00

My sister in law checked out the new house they're moving in somewhere next 4-5 months. She came home crying. Theirs was the only one with a majestic autogate, and the bathrooms are beautifully tiled up to the ceiling. All bathrooms. She was scared that the contractor had purposely placed those extras without her consent so that she will have to pay more. When asked, all the contractor replied was;

Sudah bayar semua. Husband you sudah settle semua, jangan risau.

Aku Benci William

2006-05-14T12:03:00.000+08:00

Had a brand nu hair cut except that the hairdresserwas having more fun than i did. I said like a bob japanese cut. I ended up looking so bloody JINJANG!!! And what's with these ugly lowlights that suspiciously looked like highlights???? NOw i look as ugly as Dayang Nurfaezah..I'm heading stret to Penang to get my Bob back. Kesian my sister, she paid quite a sum to rebrand my hair but well..curls do the talking these days. My hair is stubbborn and there's simply no hope in changing its mind.

Inside My Heaven

2006-05-11T13:57:00.000+08:00

Set foot in Tioman. Came back with skin infection. Ugly beach. Unfriendly fish. A doting Resort Manager.
The house had a break-ins. Lost all barang kemas. Cash. Camera.Estimated, rm10k for everybody. No fingerprints. Upside Down rooms. Bloody hell.
Going home. The safest place in the word is with my parents. Open arms. Ma, Abah, I'm coming home.

My Affair With Luna

2006-04-18T11:21:00.000+08:00

I woke up to the silence of wee hours in the morning, where only steady breathings of sleeping people became the rhythm of the moment. Something, or rather, a makhluk, had gracefully pulled me out of my lucid dreams, as though Itself was torn between letting me drowned in the peaceful slumber or awaken into reality. I squinted my eyes, protecting them from a strong ray of light, at first, only to slowly focusing them on the light, digesting whatever suggestions which popped like pop corns inside my brain. In less than 1 seconds I was totally awed. My 15th level apartment room was showered with moonlight, magnificent it was that I just sat there, propped against the wall on my bed, fear, mixed with stupified wonders. Subhanallah..Soft, yet physically powerful pale lights caressed my arms, my tired face, as though telling me to stop grieving. Be free, it whispered. I didn’t realise that I was shielding my face against the gentle moonlight, scared stiff at the generous comfort it tried to give me. Perhaps I was being cynical. Or maybe I’ve lost my sanity. Or just. Sometimes the pale moon would be the first thing I see before surrendering to Subuh, often it shied away like a maiden from her wooer. Truth be told when the Malay proverb, Pungguk Rindukan Bulan was created. I was like the owl, losen its wisdom over a beautiful object, so desirable that the pain throbs like the heart pumping adreanaline, a rush, a mad mad rush. The experience was indeed magical, submerged into the depth of my fear for the beautiful moonlight in my room, which seemed to be bursting with energy, graceful as it was, but with a fierce determination to play its part in my life, denying the sun. I will never forget that morning, when the moonlight, like a guardian angel, touched my life.

2006-04-13T17:30:00.000+08:00

Eh..Macam dah lamalah tak jumpa Acaq..

Oohh..lupa...dah meninggal..

Chuckles..

2006-04-06T16:41:00.000+08:00

Burning on
just like a match you strike to incinerate
The lives
Of everyone you know
And what's the worst to take?
From every heart you break
And like a blade you stain
Well, I've been holding on tonight

So long, and goodnight

Pulau Tioman

2006-03-21T17:30:00.000+08:00

I will tell those corals and clown fish about a wonderful man who was this close to touching them, in Tioman this Labour Day. I'm going snorkeling to honour my brother, and also as a treat for myself. Pulau Tulai, Pantai Pasir Panjang, Bt. Malang, Teluk Tedau, Coral Island and Marine Park. 3 days and 2 nights, logistics, meals, snorkels, all for only RM325, which is hard to ignore. It's not going to be one Berjaya vacation, but i'll be okay. I've seen too many romantic dreams, but this is not one of them.

Biacara Isu Sosial Wanita

2006-03-18T15:30:00.000+08:00

Two hectic days of PM and ministers. Whew..The RM250 blue kebaya did the trick with my boss. He seems to be strangely nice to me whenever i put on new kebayas. Crazy fellow. I never woke up early on weekdays, why would some minister's PA thought i would wake early for him, on weekends? No way..But when Kak Timah called and screamed through the phone, CIk HaNiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii tak mai laggiiiii..hahaahha..that did the trick. I'm extremely fond of our typist, and i always usik her everyday. With a mad dash i drove to DPU in wrinkled blouse and blazer, only to dash again like a crazy boss with Kak Timah and Marhani inside my car to go look for kueh mueh to serve in the VIP room. Shahrizats and kompangs, Pak Lah and Rumah Pemimpins.Home is where the heart is, office is where the humor is. If it wasn't for them horribly humorous staff, my humour might just fade away with the passing of my brother. When humour leaves you, you're just as good as dead. I'm as good as dead myself. It's bad enough not to being able to laugh, to pretend i'm laughing's worse. So when these people are good tempered and can poison you with jokes, I'm in Heaven. LOL

Poison : I Won't Forget You

2006-03-14T17:23:00.000+08:00

To my brother who i bloody miss the most:

Late at night

I close my eyes

And think of how things could have been

And when I look back

I remember some words you had said to me

It’s better to have lost at love

Then never to have loved at all

I won’t forget you baby(I won’t forget you)

Even though I should

I won’t forget you baby(I won’t forget you)

Even though I should,

Sometimes in my head

I can still see pictures of you

And I laugh to myself

When I think of all those crazy things that we used to do

Although miles come between us

Just between you and me

I should let you fade away

But that just wouldn’t be me

Although miles come between us

Just between you and me

I won’t forget you baby(I won’t forget you)

Memories slowly fade

I won’t forget you baby(I won’t forget you)

And all the plans we made

I won’t forget you baby

Kawan-kawan Kelakar

2006-03-03T11:57:00.000+08:00

I used to have nice guy friends. I don't now. Simply cos they've reached the point that aku mesti ada girlfriend then they will immediately put me out of their mind and continue life with respectable cinta hati masing-masing. I don't mind. It's the rule of Cosmo. But when girlfriends are snatched from me by their boyfriends...I don't think i can take it anymore. What is it with girlfriends and boyfriends ? Come to think of it, even the word friends here beat the purpose. I"m losing my only tempat mengadu and good friend to her bf, they eat together, go here and there together, now i'm all back to square one, dinner alone. I'm so bored of this whole catch your own tail game. But in the other hand, i begin to talk more to my hommies, and spend more times with them, hey they're not bad..The lesson here is, don't mope and see new friends.

One Falling Leave

2006-02-28T18:02:00.000+08:00

Death is a haunting issue, and lately Death's been haunting me too. Bibik's mom passed away this morning and the woman is now speecless and crying a Pacific ocean. I truly understand her feeling, after been hit by the terrible tsunami, and this. My sister's trying to get her home ASAP, and mom and ada are there for her, us, instantly becoming her only family around. On the phone, she said she's befallen with Musibah after one another, so i quickly told her to take it easy, Allah will only test who He thinks deserve the hardship that follows, at least he acknowledged her in a way, and the most inportant, those he tested are the ones He cares the most. I wish i was there to give her a hug. I wish i could give myself a hug too..

JAck and Jill

2006-02-27T08:26:00.000+08:00

This morning i miss Jack. A whole lot that this rainload of cloud seems to be following me around and around the whole morning. I"ll just say that having someone to love is the best gift one can have, and to be loved back with sincerity, is what one really needs. So Jack's not perfect, he still loses his temper accordingly and at the same time, can really loose my nerve, but at the end of the day, he loves me. And i love him more. So the future's still blurry but who cares? It's the moment i seize, without worrying about laters or whens. I'm just ordinary.

*For blogger who never confesses her love online, she's gone for a drink to celebrate her guts* Caution!!! Blogger is not a jiwang karat person*

DO You Miss Me?

2006-02-23T17:43:00.000+08:00

On a very terrible and cruel afternoon, i woke up with a sense of loss, dazed to the bones. There was nobody home and the feeling was just intolerable. There's a mushy feeling trapped inside my head and voices screaming, knocking at my eyes. I begin to miss my brother so much that i carelessly cried. I wouldn't change a single thing, if crying's the best way to remember him, i'll just have to register a river of them. HOpe he's happy, wherever he is right now.

-I will try to fix me-

Final Destination

2006-02-14T10:44:00.000+08:00

Abang Muzamel's brother passed away in sudden silence yesterday. He misses his child who had passed away weeks or months before him, that he too, followed. True love. I totally feel for him, for when my brother died, he was so so so down, Abang Muzamel. They've been friends since Iskandar Alor Setar. Family friends. It begins to dawn on me, it really is true that Tak ada cinta yang kekal melainkan cinta kepada Allah.

Pelekat Api

2006-01-30T22:48:00.000+08:00

I saw the fire crackled and popped, not in the usual friendly merry manner, but more of sarcasm in it. Color refreshingly orange, it reflected anything without life in it. Strange. Starting a fire remains a sensitive, if not sentimental, issue for me. Watching woods splintered and broken by the flames, I’ll automatically changed places with them, in my mind, as an act of sympathy. For the woods will permanently suffer from the ravaging fire, or blaze, or inferno. Ironic that I too, enjoy watching every process of fire starting, a glory achievement when all is ashes. From a flick of the match, to careful lodgings of dried leaves, the woods, ants or any organisms in them, a fire is here to destroy, or if I permit myself to look at it from a different view, it’s also here for a new beginning of life.

Motley Crue

2006-01-25T15:44:00.000+08:00

YOU KNOW I'M A DREAMER BUT MY HEART'S OF GOLD I HAD TO RUN AWAY HIGH SO I WOULDN'T COME HOME LOW
JUST WHEN THINGS WEREN'T RIGHT IT DOESN'T MEAN THEY WEREALWAYS WRONGJUST TAKE THIS SONG AND YOU'LL NEVER FEEL LEFT ALL ALONE
TAKE ME TO YOUR HEART FEEL ME IN YOUR BONESJUST ONE MORE NIGHT AND I'M COMIN' OFF THIS LONG & WINDING ROAD
I'M ON MY WAY WELL, I'M ON MY WAY HOME SWEET HOME TONIGHT TONIGHT I'M ON MY WAY I'M ON MY WAY HOME SWEET HOME
YOU KNOW THAT I'VE SEEN TOO MANY ROMANTIC DREAMS UP IN LIGHTS, FALLIN' OFF THE SILVER SCREEN
MY HEARTS LIKE AN OPEN BOOK FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO READ SOMETIMES NOTHING-KEEPS ME TOGETHER AT THE SEAMS
I'M ON MY WAY WELL, I'M ON MY WAY HOME SWEET HOME TONIGHT TONIGHT I'M ON MY WAYJUST SET ME FREE HOME SWEET HOME

Another candle

2006-01-18T17:19:00.000+08:00

I officially turn 25 tomorrow. Last nite during shower, i was squeezing my brain, relocating the fact i've promised God to live to a certain age. You see, we all lived on borrowed Time. Did my brother know all along that his time will be up once he gets to 35? Do i know? That's the beauty. Happy birthday, tsue.

2006-01-17T17:32:00.000+08:00

Tg. Mahaleel's here for a public talk on Governance and Transparency In the Automative Industry, here in DPU tomorrow. I'm all excited cos i'll get to attend dinner with this infamous guy together with a few others. Should i be able to pluck my courage and forward him a question tomorrow, right in the middle of everybody to see..I"ll be doing myself the biggest favor ever. Just to redeem my dignity in the eyes of the others. Nevermind, i'll cook up something.

You can write letters

2006-01-13T17:48:00.000+08:00

Acaq,

Baliklaa..Adik rindu sangat ni. Hari-hari bos buat adik macam tak wujud ja. Pandang sebelah mata. LAst time ex boss did that to me i called you and cried. Tapi u cakap i didnt have to cry cos i deserve a better job with better pay. So now i got the job, not much in pay, but very secured, which is what you want me to feel most. Secured. Tapi honestly kan Caq, i am not secured at all. Cos all my life, acaq selalu jaga adik, i'm not always scared time tu cos in the end, we will all go running to you. Adik tak paham nape jadi macam ni la Caq. Sometimes i think you told me a lot of lies. When Cik hit me in the face i went crying to you pastu i said, don't leave me. You said you're not going anywhere and you''ll always be there for me. Tapi u pi jugak. Takdak warning takdak pesan apa pun. Tup tup esok dah gone. Acaq cakap my wedding esok u nak buat gempak gempak, besar besarr tu, tapi acaq cuma sempat buat kat Kak Hani saja. Adik pun tak ada mood nak kawin dah. Ni esok ada lagi kawan nak kawin ni. Memang nak kawin..tapi rasa tak sanggup esok konvoi ada one car missing..Tak ada abang yang nak jadi bodyguard to scare my future husband..tak ada la abang nak tunggu kat kepala jalan nak sambut pengantin laki..Sounds kelakar..tapi u did that for Kak Hani tapi u tak sempat buat kat i.Hari tu abah sergah your daughter cos she refused to ziarah u time raya haji, i guess she's sad tapi abah paksa jugak..Kalau kami tak ajar anak anak acaq..sapa lagi nak ajar ziarah u? Tapi masa kat kubur Abah cempung Aina abah nangis jugak..Biasala..dia mula nangis..macam mana kami semua tak nangis jugak..

Tak tau la Caq..Adik rindu sangat kat acaq..rasa nak pengsan. CUma yang buat hati ni tenang sebab semua tau orang baik mati muda. Yang jahat jahat ni umur dia panjang..like my boss. Hehe..Tapi Caq..If only i could hug you sekali lagi ja..

Tak tau la Caq..rindu sangat..

Of Weddings and Bells

2006-01-05T17:35:00.000+08:00

It's that phase of your life again. Caterpillars crawling in your tummy, munching your guts with its carefree attitude. The first nervous excitement might be when you're entering kindergarten for the first time. Innocence to develop curiosities which sometimes lead to blameless guilts. Above all, the excitement of entering womanhood and its labours is the kind that leaves you with tingling feelings. They linger around, sometimes a curse but often a bless. Obviously. Getting hitched to the right person, if not the best , should be the next yummy happenings in your life. So he rides a kapcai to work, but should one really complain when he's one hell of a good lover, yeah? And also, a competent provider who will brave the in-laws for you to be a part of his life. Forever. To Lini Azly, semoga bahagia hingga ke anak cucu!

Bravo Aina Sofea!

2006-01-03T19:47:00.000+08:00

I was excited i could cry. My little niece called and announced proudly to me she had regsitered for REd Crescent Society. She's 10 today. I"ve been encouraging her to join more clubs and activites so that she could meet up new friends instead of the humbugs at home (her weird cousins and uncles and aunties and grandparents and dumb bibiks from the other side of the world) Sports..I could pride on my family's active involvelment in Co-K, starting from Dad, Mom, Arwah, Sis, and me myself. (Though i never even scored a gold/silver/bronze for Green House, but hey i had fun playing games and being house athlete, it's more than enough, the experience), from schools to university. So it would break our hearts to see my once active brother's children go to waste and turn namby pamby like..well..urm..yeah..the other side. I called my sister and screamed in excitement to break the news. Feels like your own daughter had finally break her shell! Well, in a way, i can call her my daughter.

Second Skin

2005-12-27T18:20:00.000+08:00

Nothing beats a good bra. I triumphed at my victory of finally getting hold of those RM60 above per bras set. After mom threatened to burn mine. In fact, i was so joyous over what i've been missing, i bought four. I dunno. Last times i was penniless to invest for those damned excellencies, not that i've got a bit to spend, wow.. Breathless..or shall i say, breastless? Chuckle..

We Don't Say Goodbye

2005-12-22T08:52:00.000+08:00

To leave 2005 feels like abandoning my brother. I can't let him trapped within the years he had lived. Feels funny when someone's taken away so drastically from you, in the middle of a normal morning, when just only last nite a trip to Pangkor was carefully planned. He'll never get to see his daughters and son graduate, tying knots (hell, mine too). That's the fact. It should be okay now, cos we're going to do it for him, by hook or by crook. We're living his memories. Or is it time to let go? I don't think i will.

But you are my only,
And I must follow on the road that lies ahead,
I won't let my heart control my head,
But you are my only
We don't say goodbye,
We don't say goodbye, I keep the memory of you and me,Inside
And I know what I've got to be
Immortality
And what else we may do
We don't say, goodbye

Bajir

2005-12-20T17:11:00.000+08:00

So Jitra's having her share of the flood, after almost 30 years. (1988-standard one) When i was once a super kid, the flood brought me companies in shapes of playmates. A family friend crashed our house right smack in the middle of the crazy downpour. Yesterday, relatives, both lecturers, did the same. Water was rising and they were desperate. Electricity went ka poot. But Cikgu Mad's face was even graver. His hard work in the paddy field had hit rock bottom. He talked about sueing MADA for being greedy with the reservation water planned for the paddy fields. The last time it happened, part of it was their fault too. They had poor control of the damn. Poor dad. Only last raya my sister and her husband, with me carrying Ehsaan, were running along the batas bendang to get my dad. We were shouting, Abaaahhhhh!!! Kak Hani balik dah rayaaaaa!!!!! Ehsaan pun!!!!!! Should we do it now, we will surely drown in vain.

MOrning in Hell

2005-12-19T15:42:00.000+08:00

I've carried my duty for literatures. I should have read To Kill A Mockingbird ages ago when the battered book was surviving us 4 children. Excellent. End of story. Perhaps i should continue with Hikayat Malim Deman next, this time the book's still with us, rotting happily. HOnestly today, i found no pleasure in life. Don't get alarmed, i will not commit suicide unless i'm married to an alcoholic. When i glanced at the family photo which stands proud and mighty on the shelf, i quickly linked it to death and pain. Stared at the pc just to imagine the boss throwing cynical glances at me. Looked at phone, hoping that somebody would call and say hello. You don't get an honest Hello nowadays, not anymore.

Deliver me from evil

2005-12-13T17:26:00.000+08:00

I pissed off my superior. Life is going to change. Forever. So what's new? That he's the one holding my SKT, but my Rezeki will never be his to determine. So bosses are meant to be evil or stupid, but i've met those who are wonderful too, and they're not my boss to boast. And they're even more superior than the crappy one i have now, yet they're so humble they make you blush. IF you're humiliated behind your back, for standing up or for breaking a tradition by excusing yourself from a lousy office meeting when you knew your boss is done with his talk, then be it. He had the chances to stop me from going out, but he chose to talk behind my back. Ah well..Coward. Understandable for me to talk behind his back if i ever need to, i admit i'm scared of him. But for a superior to talk behind his subjects' back, that is just so pathetic. Anyway, i'm so good now with my Muka Sardin skills, i wish him a thousand death.

Sunday at 69 kampung Hijrah

2005-12-04T15:36:00.000+08:00

What did dragons do to deserve a severe annoyance of being reduced to harmless geckos and house lizards? Forthrightly this amazing phenomenon truly defines; shoulder the sin of the ancestors. Don’t get alarmed. This has nothing to do with my post this time. I’ve the right mind to discontinue writing my thoughts if it wasn’t for the dragons. Should I stay passive and scared of the steno where else I could just destroy her in one puff, my grandchildren will never ever going to forgive me. Still, this has nothing to do with this post. She just crossed my mind for a useless second. I’ve just received my PTPTN statement. Cut-your-throat-gomen is really making life hard for me. Interest climbing steadily every month, parading Malaysian’s favourite phrase, sukacita dimaklumkan peratus faedah diturunkan ke 3% on top of the letter. Only 24 and I owe this country rm30K something already. Again, what has this to do with my entrée this time? Jazzing up my blog? Or your life? I have come to terms with this cruel cold fact about myself. That I am lazy. Lazy to fold my comforter in the mornings, gave up decorating the toilet after hopeless efforts and housemate-broke-the-toilet brush-to-whack-a-cocroach, bored of make ups and alien to humours. I almost gave up on reading even though I succumbed to Fazlin’s tales on Off The Edge by subscribing to it for 25% less. Tried picking up lits after a hard fact that Gurney’s MPH will never sell Terry Pratchetts. So I bought To Kill A Mockingbird. Should I die tomorrow, I can still boast to the world I’ve read the book. (We had it since forever but I think the wall ate it). I need a doze of Kuala Lumpur. Jalan Ipoh. Light pecks on the cheeks. Meaningful girlfriends, even if it means a quick simple one night of stay over. Dragons to cicak kubing.Hahaha. Don't i think this has nothing to do with today's entree? I don't care.

Confession of a sister

2005-12-01T11:06:00.000+08:00

If there is one thing that you cannot lie to, it's going to be your heart. Truth is, my brother's death is one gigantic mega blow to me. I should have stopped by his house one week earlier to give him satay, instead i urged dad to drove off cos i sort of merajuk he couldn't join us for dinner at Teluk Cengai. He didn't have the energy to join us, i should have known but well. I was just another spoilt baby sister. It's only because i adore him too much that it hurts like hell to see him lying cold on the hospital bed. I didn't care of how my sister in law felt, her feelings do not matter to me, my brother belongs to me first. I really tried to cope with this horrible lost but day by day i seem to fall into pieces. Shot through the heart.

Rindu Semakin Jauh

2005-11-29T16:21:00.000+08:00

I had the loveliest dream during my afternoon siesta minutes before Zuhur. I dreamt of my brother. We were walking happily, the three of us, my sister, me and my brother. Funny, inside the dream i knew he's already dead but i didn't care. When i woke up, i was crying like mad. Like crazy. True, blood runs thicker than water. Even though the person you loved is gone, the bond remains there.

Awallah Dondang..

2005-11-27T01:29:00.000+08:00

Even the waves will not pacify me from the horrible things happening around me. Scandals and shit heads, flirts and tarts, and Awallah Dondang. Should you be called mangkuk by a person who spells summary as summery? You can call yourself mangkuk absent mindedly but when another baboon agrees to it, he's pushing the limit. How to deal with a tart who suddenly aspires to become you ? The plot twists and turns into a soap when you're all alone fighting prejudism and keeping off bias? It's like climbing a bastardly ladder and never reach its end. Or like those waves in front of me which tries its best to reach the land but got pulled back whenever it thought it's succeeding. When their patience knocked down, they immediately becomes a tsunami and devours everything in revenge. Should i turn into one too?

Have a Nice Day

2005-11-23T15:10:00.000+08:00

I'm plagued by this extremely notorious cough for nearly a month now. Making matter worse, i worked out, or rather, worked myself flat in the U's gym. Today, just for fun, Mary and me pulled a prank on my staff, the ever humorous typist. We slip a note hinting that she has a secret admirer. LOL. What a commo. We decided to keep mum about this until our last days serving with our office. I love this job.

2005-11-16T09:29:00.000+08:00

Following friends' advices, blogger will take a hike for dunno how long yet, but when you gotta go hey you gotta go! When tha brain's full of random craps and ideas, blogger will write something funny again. heheh

First Cut is The Deepest

2005-11-13T00:52:00.000+08:00

It's not working. I'm throwing bulls at my own self. Like, who am i kidding here? Me? I'm shutting down everything. It's not working at all. This blog is the biggest joke i ever put on myself. I can't.

Mirror Mirror On The Wall

2005-11-09T18:04:00.000+08:00

I've discovered something really sweet about our Aina Sofea. She's thoughtful of others' feelings despite her age; 9 going on 17. When once asked how was raya without her abah, she said she's okay about the whole thing, only that she sometimes wishes for him to come back so that Tok will not cry so much anymore. Being the simple lacking self confidence aunty, i always asked their opinions on whether i'm good looking or not, cos yeah, children tells the truth. So far it worked. Until today. When i received my beautiful good friend's engagemnt photos online, i was tempted to ask Aina to be my mirror mirror on the wall. At first she answered me. It was a valiant lie. Immediately i farted at her face. We laughed. She said she didn't want me to feel bad. I laughed.

Fever blues

2005-11-08T16:26:00.000+08:00

When i was 6 and downridden with chicken pox, mom and dad had to carry me to the hospital because i was wailing and screaming. They still do that. Nevertheless, me being 24 years old never crossed their mind as i kicked and cried underneath the numerous comforters they threw on top of me to keep me from shivering. Dad still sleeps at the end of my feet while mom will hug me to sleep despite my tantrums. True, when you're just a corn, you have zero idea of how much your parents love you. Cry. Food. First place. A whole set of books. In a way, my parents are lucky cos they've completed the cycle of parenting. They gave their best to their eldest son, from the moment he entered the world, to the final moment he had. I fear of becoming a parent one day, cos the responsibilities which come along with being one are no match with any 7 seas or mighty mountains. But seeing the way my parents face up to their amanah, be us perfect and imperfect, i am inspired.

Setan

2005-11-06T10:04:00.000+08:00

Someone, or some guy, peed in my toilet a.k.a public toilet a.k.a mine and Imah's since both our rooms did not come with attached bathrooms. I don't bloody care who the the hell this bastard is, as far as i'm concerned, he's really bad at aiming his stuff. And to stain my...MY bathroom. Thot so..Hah gotcha red handed didnt i? Cigarette stubs! Yellowish water! Wait till i cut taht thing off his thing..Arghhhhh!!!!! My ToilET!!!!!!!!!!

Lovely shoes

2005-11-04T18:06:00.000+08:00

2 days of raya in a row, i slept through out the afternoons. Seems that none of my friends will ever come, why not? And if the results of each meeting is getting conscious when people tell you're so bulat..why not? Should i go out and take Sendayu Tinggi? A friend took it and it worked on her, not that she is ever fat. So what is wrong with a bit of chubbiness, friends love to pinch my cheek, Jack likes it the way it is, mom and dad..i'll always look beautiful to them be it me being as black as arang. Butt? I can't help noticing aunties, mom's, Kak Hani's are all of the same diameter as mine. It's in the genes! Guys..gimme a break man!! I never say the darndest thing about people, be them getting fatter or smaller or uglier or prettier. Instead, i always say Hi!! How is life? Lovely shoes. Nevermind. I'm attending a dear friend's engagement tomorrow, lovely. Hullo, muahs muahs, lovely shoes!

IMT-GT

2005-11-04T12:57:00.000+08:00

Will head back to Penang tomorrow. We'll be getting around 40 delegates from various Indonesian and Malaysian Rectors and researches on Sunday, some one will have to go and escort the visitors. Me. And a few other unlucky officers of the University. Still, it's a yippee since i play no part whatsoever in entertaining the wives, my role is simple enough, be there for the Malaysian IPTA's Rectors/VCs, attend the meeting (if the boss wants me to) and play hostess. It's just another phase of the IndoensiaMalaysiaThailand-GT program we're having, something of a good working together in various disciplines. I've attended the cultural performance, and sadly, the ones performed by Malaysian IPTA students are a lot of humbugs, compared to the Thais, what with their magnificent puppet dance, the creative Padang dance performed by the Indonesian students..ours is simply embarrassing to the point of me breaking into tears. Seems like Malaysia's culture is a lot of cacamerba, why mix the exotic Indian dance with the ever so graceful Malay dance and worsen with chaotic Chinese dance? Yeah i know this is a multi racial country, but hey..you don't just mix up every thing we have around here for the sake of entertainment. I was hoping to watch a few Mak Yong/Inang with the tinkling of gamelans, or some majestic lion dance, or yeah, the fascinating snake dance by the Indian students. Instead, i was shocked into watching eye watering jumping idiots with bullshit flags and ugly selendangs flying in the air. Pancawarna my ass..It's a waste of money. A waste of culture, and a great waste of my time.

Raya Blues

2005-11-02T14:21:00.000+08:00

Raya comes Raya goes. To fear it not, this joyous feast. Celebrating it is a must, with or without that someone, cos after all, Raya comes, and Raya goes. Prepare the rendang, light the pelita, join the takbir, ignore the tears, for when sadness attacks, say Thank You Allah, and soon the wind will wipe it away. For in the End, we'll meet again, with God's will, all is well.

Hot Mommas

2005-10-30T21:34:00.000+08:00

Jitra.Pretty babes with babes actually living inside their wombs. At the first glimpse of the two hot mommas browsing in the store, me and my sister gulped, in jealousy. There they were, sisters, amazingly young and hot, undoubtedly rich and glamorous, where as my sister and i, both older than we age, crumpled with worries and hard aches, spare tyres clinging like a stubborn stain, and absolutely cashless. Kl-ites. It shows. What with the mixed northern-southers slang and graceful moves, touched with a bit of the uppity air around them. They've got auras i guess. But well yeah, you can go as far as London, but can you actually cover the fact that you're originated from Kodiang, Napoh, or Changloon? Some people do that. Shame, shame..My sister hastily paid her purchases and both of us, in shirts and jeans, escaped the torturous view of the hot gucci mommas. So long as we have each other, we're always hot in each other's eyes.

Raya

2005-10-29T11:15:00.000+08:00

Home for raya. Last year the raya aura was stained with the infamous Tak Bai horror. One can wish for a peaceful Raya Fitrah but it's really up to the 'Top Managemnet'. Yesterday i get to bug Mary to see The Corpse Bride at 6.10 pm. It's the saddest yet refreshing insight into looking at er..Death from the lighter side of view. We break our fast right smack during the movie and then had KFC, a little raya farewell dinner of our won, kissed her cheek and i went straight home to Jitra. It's good to have friends. Honestly.

Idris Jala Talk

2005-10-26T12:45:00.000+08:00

Idris Jala, future CEO of MAS was here at DPU giving a talk on Turnover something.. But frankly the main reason VC invited him was to get his views on the harrasment Universities have been getting from the Industries, and the government regarding poor qualities of the local grads. That oversea graduates are always better from local's. In a way, it's true but somehow perhaps it's just a bias perception that eveything that came out of this country should always be the best. In my opinion, oversea grads deserve what they have gained; good scholars, excellent universities, jobs with big shot companies booked..it's because they earn these, they studied their heads off to claim the best interests there are for them. It's your own fault when you play hooky in schools and not getting the best for your future, right? Again, for us local grads, it's more to survival, like starting from scratch once we're done with cracking our heads solving zillions formulas and exploding every labs in the Universities. Cover letters, resumes, stamps, cycling/waling/driving/ to and fro the post office, cyber cafes, bus tickets to attend interviews. We had the chance to grow up and swallow the fact that job hunting in Malaysia scenarios in Malaysia carries cannibalism traits. You eat me, i eat you, somewhere cut u open, line cutting, back doors. What more when our father is a nobody. Eat that. So when Idris Jala reminded VC to not take the whole crap Industries told us to do, it's a relief. Frankly, i think Industries themselves are shutting off local/oversea grads simply because they're not that interested to invest in more human capital. Drop the shit on Universities and presto, much a do about nothing. It's really up to individuals really, to unleash their potentials, be it local or oversea grads. When you have mindset of a fly, don't even think of going further. I like what Idris Jala said, the best way to shine a torch is when it's dark.

Under the Sea

2005-10-24T13:08:00.000+08:00

Wow..To be on top and have people walking right under your carpet must've been a conflict of interest to some . Hence the bombs and missiles which rained those who ever walked this floor. This and that, rubbish and craps, yawn yawn yawn. Should people began to get cleverer by seconds and start to question everything, no doubt that the whole organization will crumble like nothing. So long as we're content, be helpful plus resourceful, you'll be loved even by the lost crows which haunt the building. There's the correct time/reason and the wrong ones to pop questions. Whatever you do, don't push it. It's the real world out there.

HOW TO FACE MY STAFF TOMORROW

2005-10-22T10:13:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is definitely going to be a lousy plus embarrassing day, when you've cried a river in front of your boss, ending in you getting sent home chaffeured with an escort in a Volvo Wagon. Wait, two escorts. To discover that the accident did not cause any life at all in front of all my 'escorts', is another amazing fact that i had to churn my way through them tomorrow. Lying to them is one thing, proving that the lie was untrue is another. Perhaps, i overdid, a bit too much. Whoops!